Insanity

What drives people that used to love each other to do the unimaginable to hurt each other when a relationship ends? Why?

By an accident of fate, I introduced two friends of mine at a bar several months ago. He, I knew from cycling. She, I used to work with and dragged along with me that evening. They liked each other and started dating. Fast forward a few months and they moved in together. Maybe it was two soon, disaster stroke. The relationship was destroyed.

He moved out about a month ago. She was in shambles. I thought many times to write him, to see how he was, but I stayed away and tried to support her; she was, after all, much closer to me than he was. She stopped eating. She lost 15 pounds during that month.

Then, his phone rang yesterday. It was her, desperate, needing to talk, to see him. For some reason things went awry and the fight started. They called each other names, insulted each other, hanged up on each other. At some point she said she was pregnant. He did not know what to believe; he was in shock and felt his world crumbling down.

She kept calling, over and over again. He did not pick up. She left a message insinuating that she was suicidal and going to the ER. He was desperate and called me, asked me to call her.

I did. She was destroyed. She was angry he called me. She was angry he did not call her. She told me she is pregnant, and I still don't know whether I can believe that. She asked me not to call him back, so as he would worry and call her. I refused. She asked me to lie to him for her. I refused. I asked her to give him time, to give herself time to calm down, to think, to relax, to communicate. She refused. I plead for her to wait and calm down for the baby's sake; she said she wouldn’t allow him to be part of its life, she would move to another country to keep him away, if necessary. I insisted. I told her she was being destructive to both of them, that I thought what she wanted would be more harmful than helpful. I asked her again to give herself time, for her sake, for his, for the baby's. She refused. She asked me again to lie to him, to manipulate him to call her, to take care of her. I refused.

Today I woke up to an email from her breaking up with me as a friend, for refusing to do what she wanted me to do. I found out later that she had also eliminated me from the rest of her life.

I must confess I feel somewhat relieved that she left me. Am I a bad person to feel like this?