As a result of my efforts to run away from sticky hallmark couples this past V-day, I ended up at my favorite local bar eating delicious hamburgers and drinking, of course, Chilean red wine. In the middle of the conversation with my friend, he and I started telling each other stories of crazy things done in past lives. The conversation reminded me of the occasion when I made a very serious and straightforward effort to flirt with an on-duty police officer... Yeah... ok.
This happened while at Grad School, several years back. I may even have had a boyfriend at the moment, or, more likely, a “whatever”, as my denomination of choice is when things are unclear in terms of where a relationship stands. Even more, said “whatever” was also at this party.
If my memory is accurate, all events occurred on a Saturday, and I had been invited to attend two parties. The first one was thrown by a close girlfriend of mine who happened to own two cats and a chinchilla, all adorable animals to which I am extremely allergic to. In preparation and as a preventive measure, I took an allergy pill. Not to avail. After half an hour at this party, I started to break out in hives, and to feel my throat and lungs closing up as a sure sign that an asthma attack was already under way. “Whatever” and another friend dragged me away from the party, and I decided to –Oh, so not smart- to take yet another allergy pill... Yeah… ok.
At this point, aside from the 2 allergy pills (which were not of the non-drowsy variety), I had already downed one glass of wine. Not good. At the following party, which had a band and all, I had a cocktail. And everything around me turned really REALLY fuzzy; the room would just not stop spinning for the entire night.
Sometime around 3 am, in the midst of resting from dancing, I approached the door, and started talking to and attempting to flirt with this really cute guy (I think, although I suspect my perceptions were slightly distorted and he may have been pretty ugly for all I know.)… All of the sudden, I started noticing that he was entirely dressed in dark navy blue…. Hmmmm…. weird…. Why someone would dress entirely in dark navy blue? Hmmmmm…… and then I noticed that he was also wearing this bronze colored thingies in his chest and shoulders... That is when it downed on me that he was not there to dance with me, but most likely because we were not exactly quiet. He did not seem particularly smiley either (so much for my powers of seduction).
This is when I discovered that adrenaline is a wonderful thing that was able to get me somewhat sober in terms of milliseconds. I remember suddenly waking-up of my sopor, and starting to repeat non-stop to him: “I AM NOT DRIVING! I AM NOT DRIVING! I AM NOT DRIVING”. At this point he looked at me, with those unhappy dreamy eyes and said “And I am REALLY glad that you are NOT.”
That was the end of my police officer love affair. And “Whatever” laughed to no-end at me. Oh, well. I have never mixed *2* (or more) not non-drowsy allergy pills and alcohol ever again. Promise.